I am not sure if you are familiar with the acronym, I.C.E, but it stands for “in case of an emergency.” The other day as I was getting dressed, I noticed my college id card I carry with me when I go walking around my complex. I mean God forbid something to happen to me while I am out exercising, but I carry the card to identify me and I wrote my mother as my point of contact.
Keep in mind, my mother lives in another state, but truly I would want her to be the person notified, because I know she will know what to do. But then, I begin to feel a bit weird about the fact I have family and friends close by, but I would choose to have my mother, who is hundreds of miles away, to be my safety net person.
It made me think about that concept and what does that mean to me. I am surrounded by family and friends, yet I do not trust them to function properly in my time of need. Very interesting concept…it points me in a few directions, but the most prominent ones are; am I untrusting or is my circle untrustworthy?
But if my circle is untrustworthy…its only because I am untrusting. I don’t expect trust.
And I can admit, I do not trust easily. I find that it is easier to allow people to be themselves, then to place false hope in them, expecting them to function in the same manner of consideration as I do for them. It is with this mentality, I have become extremely choosy with whom I have certain conversations, be it deep or merely surface level, in the end, it all matters.
Because it is human nature for people to become spiteful and bitter and vindictive. And when this occurs, secrets, loyalty and trust become foreign actions and anger becomes a new friend. Whatever can be remembered, will come up…and then what do we have left? Nothing, I say.
With my trust, I need to know that who I am is not a problem for you, because if it is, we must change how we interact. Because while I am given you genuine pieces of me, you are silently judging them all. Analyzing my gift of friendship, for why it is not what you want it to be.
And as I get older, I find that I am having to have these types of conversations with new people I meet. It is not that I am being pessimistic about meeting people, it is just that I am quicker to observe, than I am to jump in and make myself known. Everybody does not need to know me and I don’t need to know everybody.
My willingness to be accepted has been superseded by my desire to change things I can not accept. And being in situations with people who have shown themselves to be untrustworthy, is what I can not accept, so I have decided to change that.
Who and what we cling to, could be the detriment of us or the positive turning point for us. Who can you call on in case of an emergency? Is your circle capable of handling that responsibility? How are the relationships we are building, actually supporting us?
Everyday that I am blessed to move forward in life, I am always looking around to see whose moving forward with me. I guess, that is what I need to base my trust off; the people who are actually making an effort to meet me halfway. Now, that doesn’t mean I am gonna change my I.C.E., however, it means that I need to connect my circle. Whoever is in it, needs to know each other.
I can trust that.