Month: April 2015

Early Morning Thoughts: Figuring Out the Premise

I came across a quote yesterday while on Instagram and it resonated with what I am currently sorting through my mind, in terms of our relationships with people in our lives. Especially those which are fairly new and we may be trying to figure out what is their purpose and more importantly, if they are even needed in our lives.

Now I understand the saying of seasons and reasons, but sometimes…… is it even that deep?

Like do I need to contemplate every person or can I just be exclusive and hope for the best possible results from my choosing? Because there are some people who just pop into our lives; those are the random people who I feel need to be given a trial and error test, but more than likely they saw a glimpse of you which they connected to, they have no earthly idea of who you are and if you are not careful, you wind up playing a specific role each and every time you are in their presence.

The façade is a slippery and easy slope to partake in. It is so tempting because it can seem so much easier than taking the time in getting to know someone for who they want to be to you. And if you decide to wear the façade, you may find that what they want from you requires more than you are willing to give.

So with that part being said, I don’t want the façade, but then again I don’t want the mundane experience of normalcy.

It would be perfect if what ever intentions were first brought to the table, were to remain as a constant; no variables or substitutes, but a genuine reason to connect.

I am having to really take the time to evaluate each relationship and be truthful with what I am willing to give to maintain it or to disseminate it. Because let me be honest, I hate to waste my time investing into any relationship under false pretenses. And yes, people get involved in things that they later decide are not for them; what I am saying is hindsight is too late…what about foreshadowing? Thinking logically before even engaging in conversation. Asking yourself: Is this really necessary to the goal or is this for fun.

How does sparking this conversation align me with what I want for myself, as far as the people I surround myself around?

My mind is stuck in this mode of how does that piece fit the puzzle; does it complete the puzzle or does it throw the puzzle off. And I guess that is what I am trying to correlate with our relationships we enter into; whether personal or professional, are they necessary or are we choosing to overlook that question for the simple reason of entertainment or potential.

Why are we carrying on relationships that leave us questioning why we began them in the first place?

Flyy Girl Feature Friday : Crissinda “Crissi” Ponder

Aye! It’s another Fab Flyy Girl Feature Friday!

Today’s blogger reads like an experienced Veteran, but calls herself a newbie.

And you would not have known…had I not told you!

From the clear layout and minimalist trinkets on her site, I got the feeling I was meeting someone who has great management skills and has put a lot of thought into presenting her blog brand.

Her various articles about blogging to personal relationships to hair care is oddly……. cohesive.

I suppose that’s what happens when you stay true to yourself, it shows up in everything you do..

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Miss Crissi Ponder.

Please introduce yourself to the readers.Crissi3

I’m Crissi and I’m based in sunny South Florida, but I was born and raised in Atlanta. (Shout out to all my ATLiens!)

Tell us about your blog: Crissi Untangled.

I would describe Crissi Untangled as a personal blog with an emphasis on self-discovery. I didn’t want to limit myself by picking one area of focus, so you’ll see posts on a variety of topics. I write about the things that interest or move me the most.

Why did you decide to begin blogging?

I decided it was time for me to go beyond keeping a journal and create a space to quiet my insecurities, unearth the young woman I am and explore how my experiences will determine who I’ll become.

I want to write my way through it all – the growing pains, the heart breaks, the triumphs. I chose blogging as the means to prove to myself that my voice matters and that someone is listening, even if it’s just one person.

Another reason I started my blog was to build a community. There have been several instances when I would share something on the blog and assume I was alone in the experience, but I’ll get comments from readers who can relate and that gives me the confidence boost I need when I start to feel like I’m talking to myself.

What motivates you to dedicate time to blogging?

I consider myself to be a newbie blogger, so I’m still trying to work out the time-management kinks. However, getting encouragement from more seasoned bloggers and receiving feedback and support from my readers always helps.

CU Screenshot 

And if I have a particularly strong opinion about something and my mind won’t shut up about it, I’m usually motivated to write a post.

In one year what do you hope manifests from your blogging?

I hope to have a better sense of who I am creatively and personally. I want to write without letting my self-doubt creep in and paralyze me. I also hope that a stronger community is cultivated around the blog. Crissi1

Who are two of your favorite bloggers that you follow?

Tyece of Twenties Unscripted and Yetti of Yetti Says. These two ladies are my absolute favorites! I admire both their writing styles. Whenever I feel that push to get off my ass and make it happen, 9 times out of 10 it came from a post I’ve read of Tyece’s. When I’m especially hard on myself for coming up short in certain situations, Yetti’s words remind me to always be kind to myself. I would love to meet both of them in person someday soon. (Hint Hint)

What legacy do you want to leave behind for others to know about you?

Hmmm. It’s difficult for me to definitively answer this question because I am far from having my legacy figured out. I don’t even have adulthood figured out yet.

I know that I wish for my words to live on after I’m long gone from this world. I want people to know that I was an unconditional lover of writing, that I used it as the instrument through which I aimed to have a better understanding of this convoluted and complicated thing called life. I want people to remember me for my complex character; I may come off as super serious on the surface but I’m often searching for a reason to be silly.

Keep up with Crissi and all her serious and silly moments via social media:Crissi2

Twitter: @CrissiUntangled

Pinterest: Crissi Untangled

Bloglovin’: Crissi Untangled

Motivation for Perspective: Go Getter Monday

After a weekend of revelations, I find comfort in knowing that I still have another chance to level the playing field for my success.

We can either wallow in self pity and self doubt, or we can admit our part and strive to make amends with the promises we make unto ourselves.

The obstacles come to test us and build us spiritually, mentally and sometimes physically; as hard as it can be, and believe me honey, I know it can get tough, but this too shall pass.

So when you step out of your frustration and use that energy to fuel your hustle, things behind the scenes will begin to work themselves out.
Because when we are in motion, so is karma.

Whatever we put out, comes back to us tenfold.
So I ask the Go Getters:
What is coming back to you?

Flyy Girl Friday Feature: Shae Collins

Some of us wear who we are like an armor.

Some of us wear who we are like a mask.

And some of us are who we are because of what others think or expect.

Today’s Flyy Girl is none of the above.

Equipped with an assuring personality and a clearly defined mission,

she is well on her way to awakening many with the knowledge she has to offer.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

                                                      Miss Shae Collins.Shae Collins

Please introduce yourself to the readers.

Shae Collins – born and raised in sunny Los Angeles.

Tell us about your blog; A Womyn’s Worth.

A Womyn’s Worth aims a Black feminist lens at all pop culture, examining race, gender, and sexuality. AWW discusses several hot topics including respectability politics, twerking, women in the media, and more. Link:

Why did you begin blogging?

I started blogging my senior year in college because I wanted to jumpstart my writing career and learn more about how I fit into society. The blog really took off when I started writing my senior thesis on Women in Hip Hop, and explored the ways in which capitalism and white supremacy influenced the ways women artists are portrayed. That thesis changed my thinking and the goal for the blog, and A Womyn’s Worth became a way I could express what I learned about Black womanhood.

What motivates you to dedicate time to blogging?

Writing is my first love, so I always find moments in between work and school to write. I’m motivated by how much I learn through my writing. Whenever I have a blog topic that requires a bit of research, I get the opportunity to explore diverse ideas. Blogging has definitely taught me a lot about myself and the way others in society view me. A Womyn’s Worth forces me to confront dissenting opinions—and that’s what keeps me going.


I’m also motivated when others tell me how inspired they are by my work. My goal is to present alternative ideas for people to consider. For example, I have a series on the blog dedicated to debunking myths about the usefulness of respectability politics, which many black people still cling to. I like to challenge people’s ideas about Black sexuality and culture. So when people hit me up on Facebook or the comments section telling me that they learned something, I feel my job as a blogger has been accomplished.

In one year, what do you hope manifests from your blogging?

I hope to inspire more people. I hope my writing allows people to consider new ways of looking at the world. I also want to expand my reach and write for publications I don’t have bylines in yet. I’ve got my sights set on The Root, For Harriet, Ebony, and many others.

I’d also like my blog to support more activism. I was very moved when I participated in the Black Lives Matter protests here in LA, and I’m hoping to bolster this activism through my blog.

Name two of your favorite bloggers you follow.

Areola Bandz, PhD AKA Monique John’s blog, Twerked is always a good read. She talks about sexuality in our generation and always has an interesting perspective. She’ll make you think twice about judging Amber Rose and have you wish you could twerk like a video girl.

There’s also Blavity, my favorite blogger collective. It’s a blog written by and for Black millennials—and it’s bomb. The bloggers are so on point. The blog makes me laugh, smile and clap my hands because of all the truth. It’s encouraging to see so many young Black writers doing their thing. I plan on writing for them in the near future.

A Womyn's Worth Writer Shae

What legacy do you want to leave behind for others to know about you?

I’ve never thought about that one. I guess I’d want to be known as the sassy culture critic that spoke her truth and was a leader for change in our country. Maybe like Angela Davis—but bald.


Stay connected with Shae via social media:

Twitter: @awomynsworth





Motivation for Perspective: Go Getter Monday

Don’t start blaming other people now! The faces change, yet only yours remains.
Ownership of our mis-takes can develop a powerful energy and discernment.
No more frontin’ for others, no need to when you speak the truth to yourself.

Stop demanding of others what you are not willing to provide for yourself.

The Go Getters have set up shop.

Flyy Girl Friday Feature: Delfine The Coco Gawdess

Fashion and beauty are probably the two most popular topics in the world of blogging.

And luckily for us ladies, there is no shortage of bloggers to choose from to get your daily dosage of  style, beauty and hair.

However, this next Brown Girl Blogger brings a nice spin on the reporting

of fashion and beauty, by adding some life experiences in the mix as well.

Here to serve us with fun, fashion and fierceness,

Ladies and Gentlemen,

                                                                 Miss Coco Gawdess, Delfine. TheCocoGawdessSign


Please introduce yourself to the readers:

My name is Delfine, but on the blog I go by The Coco Gawdess or sometimes Coco. I’m a city girl, born and raised in Queens, New York.

Tell us about your blog, The Coco Gawdess.

My blog, The Coco Gawdess, is a personal style blog. It was created to be a movement in celebration of beauty as a platform; where through fashion, beauty and life experiences, women could share in the reverence of womanhood. The link is


Why did you begin blogging?

To be quite honest, The Coco Gawdess isn’t my first blog. It’s more like my 6th or 7th. I have always loved writing, so much that one of my majors in college was Journalism. Blogging allowed me to write in a space where I had complete control over my work. I had total sovereignty over how much time I spent on the blog, what I wrote about and the design. It was a writer’s heaven.

I started The Coco Gawdess to fulfill my own needs, needs I believed other girls shared. There wasn’t anyone who looked, spoke, dressed or wrote like me. I have always been told that I have great style and that I’m a great public speaker and writer, but I wanted my blog to be so much more than a feed of pictures of myself in impractical clothing in unrealistic places or situations. I wanted The Coco Gawdess to be a resource for all girls, but especially those of a darker complexion– “chocolate girls.” I wanted to create a place where real women could get ideas about fashion and life, regardless of socioeconomic status, age, weight, skin color, etc. A place where sexy is redefined. A place where intellect and fashion meet in the form of self-love. So much of the way we dress, walk and talk has to do with the way we feel about ourselves. We can’t change the skin color, height or size that we were born, but we can package ourselves the way we want. As women, we are sexy, sweet, bitter in our rawest form, strong, deep, we’re an aphrodisiac, we come in different flavors and colors….we are chocolate. We are all made of chocolate, that’s what connects us. Who we are and what we look like starts on the inside and manifests on the outside. It’s about feeling and looking good, and sharing that love the way chocolate is meant to be shared. Look good, feel good; feel good, look better– that’s what The Coco Gawdess is about.

What motivates you to dedicate time to blogging?

The response I get is one of my biggest motivators. Whether it’s on the blog, on my Youtube channel, or on Instagram, the response of girls (and women!) that identify with my sense of style, sense of humor, background or interests is beyond rewarding. Another motivator is the release. Blogging is freeing, therapeutic almost. It’s completely separate from my career and from my day-to-day life. It also allows me to express my creative side and challenges me to come up with new ideas, new strategies and to learn new software and new programs.


In one year, what do you hope manifests from your blogging?

I have big plans for The Coco Gawdess for the next 12 months. In a nutshell, I hope to turn The Coco Gawdess into exactly what it was meant to be…a movement. I hope every girl who reads a blog post, sees an Instagram picture or caption or watches a Youtube video feels like she is made of Godiva. I want every girl to recognize the Coco Gawdess in her.

Name two of your favorite bloggers you follow.

Claire Sumners of FashionBombDaily and Shiona Turini (more of a journalist than a blogger) are two of my favorites right now. I love the way Claire has climbed to the top, is a resource for so many fashionistas and highlights a new Fashion Bomb every so often. I absolutely love the way Shiona Turini knows and loves who she is and where she comes from. Now THAT’S a Coco Gawdess.

What legacy do you want to leave behind for others to know about you?TheCocoGawdessBlogHeader

I can only hope that others see the chocolate in me. Not the obvious deep brown of my physical, but the sweet, richness of my soul. That sounds dramatic, but I want to leave behind a legacy of looking good on the inside and out. I want to be known as someone who helped other women and girls achieve that as well.


Be sure to stay up to date with all the chocolate goodness of Coco through social media:

Twitter: @TheCocoGawdess
Instagram: @CocoGawdess
Youtube: The Coco Gawdess

A Friendly Reminder: Oh Ladies

Slow down honey.
If he is the one, allow him to show you that he is. That doesn’t mean he has to prove himself, but show who he is.
And if he is not?
Well, there lies the power of choice.
If you are content, then you are content.
But if you are not?
Then there lies the power of choice yet again!
If you are not content, then I hope you take the necessary steps to rectify the situation; whatever that may look like for you.
But I don’t want my ladies running themselves ragged for what they deserve.

By attracting what we deserve and distancing ourselves from what we do not; I truly believe we can find ourselves in the right place at the right time in making that connection with the one who will understand you and encourage you and nurture you.

I believe he exists for me.

What about you?

Here’s to attracting a light of our very own, from the inside out.

Peace and Blessings.