Think about what you plan to achieve and exactly who does it benefit. If you aren’t incorporating ways for others to succeed or to benefit from what you have to offer, your planning is in vain.
While we should always have ourselves set first before we try to embark on a missionary journey to save the world, we have to keep in mind that where we are, we weren’t always there, and that someone said, did or showed us it was possible to move beyond our previous level.
So in the midst of your planning, remember to leave some room for others to grow as well….like a contingency for support.
Leave something for the next person to grow.
Make A Plan Take Action Set Up Shop Go Get It
Love heals through practice.
It’s not enough to want to, you have to do something about it.
To say that I am excited about becoming a first time business owner is an understatement, so imagine my total surprise when I receive a less than celebratory response from my peers and loved ones…I know you aren’t suppose to care whether or not someone else finds your accomplishments appealing, yes, in theory that seems to be okay to believe, but in reality, I want a big deal cheer.
Why does the over exaggerated gestures become so special occasion reserved once we reach a certain age? Is it now the norm’ to say, “You don’t get a pat on your back to do what you are supposed to do?” But if that were the case, wouldn’t more people be business owners? In fact, more people would risk a failure, just for the sake of an opportunity to succeed. So, why aren’t more people entrepreneurs?
When it comes to the world of “know it alls,” why aren’t more applying all of what they know?
I admire people who are able to take a craft or skill set they love and turn it into a profit, without destroying their love for what they do. When I go to certain shops or read articles about business owners who have been entrepreneurs for 10+ years, I think, I am so glad it is possible.
Faith, is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1) Yet, I am thankful for examples of what having faith will produce, because it is times when I share my news with my friends and with my loved ones, and I do not receive the feedback I believe I should receive, I think about those who have gone before me when starting out on the journey of being a successful business owner.
And I stop pitying myself and I think to myself. And I speak to myself, mentally and sometimes a loud and I remind myself of how far I have come in such a short period of time, and I find the energy to move forward in my craft, in my skill set.
Being a Go-Getter is more than a saying to me; it is my life. Every day I will constantly remind myself of how much more creative I can be and how far I am willing to push myself to create the legacy I want to live and pay forward.
The point is this: If you are waiting for the cheers from the crowd to keep your energy up while you run this race, honey child, I have news for you: get ready to pass out. People are not assigned the same faith as you for your situation, which is something you have to walk in alone…and that is okay. But do not give up. Keep your head focused on the cause and they will follow…they always do.
Let me first start by saying, by no means am I an expert on relationships, nor how the human mind works. I am however an observer and ex offender of the behavior being discussed.
Women: there is so much to be said for our desires to be a part of a committed union. I truly believe it is a fundamental piece of our existence, to connect, build and grow. We enjoy the sense of security that comes with being in a real relationship, all the trimmings of commitment. So why are so many of us settling for scraps?
I am witnessing woman across various age brackets, allowing men to have “my man” privileges, without the mutual commitment of a real relationship. I’m not against having a friend or friends, but at what point do you stop lying to yourself about what you want? When do you begin to look outside of potential, and face what it is?
Let me lead by example. About six years ago, I was in a situationship. I befriended a gentleman and we spent a great deal of our time together. We spoke on the phone every single day, beginning at six in the morning. We went to comedy clubs, birthday parties, family gatherings (only my family) and hung out with friends (some mutual otherwise, my friends only). Months went by and we never established what we were to one another, although the phrase “I love you” was spoken freely and often. Yet, when I finally got the nerve to ask for what I wanted, it wasn’t what he wanted. And I allowed myself to continue the situationship, simply because I had high hopes that he would change his mind, Hoping he would realize how good our chemistry was together and how good of a woman I was for him.
But the more I continued to allow the situation to carry on, the more pain I put myself in. I had no right to expectations. I had no right to relationship benefits, although I was experiencing a relationship. Being too afraid to rock the boat of comfort and convenience, I went along with it, until one day I had enough. I told him, if a friendship was all he wanted, then I had to reevaluate my stance with him. A lot of things ended; me cooking for him, letting him use my car, picking him up from work, inviting him to family outings, double dates, the 20+ phone calls and texts all stopped. Once I took my power back, he was no longer interested in coming around.
What I am saying is this: why are we subjecting ourselves to situationships and expecting relationship benefits? Are we that desperate for a man that we are wiling to forfeit our desires, simply to keep someone in our lives?
While we would like to think not, the answer is yes. Yes, I am willing to subject myself to pain and disappointment in order to get a man and keep him. I willing to forfeit wanting to be the affection of a man who wants me, for one who looks good. I am willing to front to be pacified.
My Queens, I want each of you to experience a relationship, a real relationship, that causes you to be nurtured and loved. A relationship where you are wanted, needed and belong. I no longer want you seeking potential in a place of uncertainty. If you have been involved with a man for over six months and there is still no commitment, why are you still putting eggs in that basket? Why is two months long enough to have sex, but not long enough to commit?
What are we really saying when we make these types of choices? If you know what you want, why are you rearranging your checklist to fit someone else’s agenda? If you want to be a wife, say so! If you want a family, say so! If you want to be a King’s Queen, say so!
Don’t continue to participate in situationships expecting relationship benefits. It is not for you boo. He does not owe you the commitment of consideration, and why should he? You never asked for it, and if you did, you allowed him to steer you away from your desires.
This article is not to bash anyone, but to help someone, see their worth and fight for what they desire. When you settle for less than what you deserve, it will convict you. Everything you do to make it what it is not, will fail. It takes two honey. At the end of the day, if he is not giving you a commitment, reevaluate and move on.
Allow yourself to be happy by spending time with eligible bachelors (leave folks boyfriends/husbands alone) who share your desires. Spend time with people who court you for relationship reasons, not sex reasons. Because if all you are looking for is the physical, fine. But, don’t start talking that “where are we going talk” a month or so after ya’ll have been having sex.
Recognize the connection. Call it what it is. Take off the blinders, put away the fantasies. Be a big girl and say what you want. If he isn’t with the program, don’t put another thoughtful effort into it. Let it be.
You will get what you expect, you just have to put it out there. Live it. Think it. Be it. Your authentic one will come.
She hung the phone up with a heavy mind. So many thoughts tumbling around so fast, she had to sit down in order to calm the swirling storm of thoughts and emotions.
She had to figure out the right reaction to have. The right words to think. Amber had never been any good at being a shoulder to cry on. She could never figure out what was expected of her in those moments. What to do? What to say? How to hurry the conversation to something lighter…..
“That definitely isn’t going to work in this present moment, ” she spoke aloud. Amber had just gotten off the phone with a parent of a previous youth she use to counsel and mentor. KJ was a bright good-looking kid, who was shy at first, but once he knew he could trust you, he’d come out of his shell. KJ was one of Amber’s favorite in the program. He was polite, well-groomed and on time! Most youth looking to change their life around, figure they are doing you a favor by showing up to meetings and workshops, but KJ was different. Every opportunity to experience something new or learn a new skill set, he was there.
So it was very surprising to Amber the night of the awards ceremony when KJ did not show up. How ironic that he would receive the “Best Attendance” Award, and not be present! It didn’t make any sense to Amber. The next day she called his mom and received the shocking news: KJ was arrested for armed robbery. He’d been behind bars for almost two weeks before the ceremony, no wonder none of the staff or other youth had heard from him.
Amber buried her head in her hands and typed up her case notes……Months went by before KJ requested to see Amber. As much as she wanted to reach out to him, she couldn’t. What am I going to say? What could I possibly have to say to hide how I feel? To overlook the circumstances? She gathered up the courage to visit him, but wouldn’t you know, she had to wait to be approved before seeing KJ! Fine with me she thought, I couldn’t take being in there another minute!
All the dreariness and sadness seemed to seep through the walls. There was absolutely nothing cheery about jail, not even the lobby area! So why would anyone want to risk their happiness or freedom to be here, she thought.
After that visit, Amber never returned again. She didn’t want to feel that loneliness, that heavy sadness she felt before. Sure she would check on him through contacts she had with the jail and even accepted a few collect calls, but never again in person.
And then today, almost a year and a half later, KJ has his sentencing. Two birthdays, two New Years, and over a dozen holiday gatherings later, KJ is brought before a judge and jury, to be sentenced. His mom called with the news, “he took the deal,” she says. “Fifteen years, with possible parole once he’s served a reasonable amount of time.”
But Amber doesn’t hear her anymore, she has drifted in her mind to all the moments she had KJ in her presence and spoken to him about his dreams, his goals, his aspirations, his choices in life. How fast money always slows you down in the end. How being young and good-looking takes one only so far. She wanted to weep. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to turn back time, be a guardian angel, help him walk away.
But she didn’t do any of those things, she couldn’t. Instead, she made the promise in her heart that from that day forth, she would find the words to say, in the rough times, she would find the courage to nurture and heal.
***the names and some information has been changed or exaggerated to protect the innocent.
It wasn’t until recent that I started to become more homesick….more specifically, mom sick. Believe me, I don’t know exactly why this distinct feeling has become a recurring theme of my thoughts….but its here.
I am closer to thirty than I have ever been and somehow it puts a lot of things into perspective…like could I possibly be a wife? A mother? A single fabulous person forever?
It makes me think about my mom at this point in her life. Oh how I wish I had paid closer attention to her mood swings and why she did half the things she did, because at least I know I would come out half as decent as her.
Sometimes, honest to God, nobody understands a single thing a say! I wonder if I am completely off my rocker or just my mother’s daughter. I inherited her social qualities and undeniable confidence; it can come off a bit assertive, but that’s only because I like to be clear.
You know how the world can push you around, with dollar signs written in red, and rental/mortgage payments with only weeks in between the paychecks, and juggling wants with needs, should I buy gas or food decisions…
When you are home, a simple hug with your mom can erase some stupid thoughts about your ability. An old story from your childhood with a cousin can refuel your confidence. A scolding can remind you of how you were raised. A nephew or niece being ecstatic to see you, reminds you of how loved you are.
So, if you can drive less than an hour to spend time with your family, do so, as much as possible.
And if you are away from home, make sure you surround yourself with people who help you grow. We all need a pick me up from time to time, family can do that for you.