This topic is very much-needed for myself as well as for each of you.
As a matter of fact, I find in writing, I am able to better self reflect as well as lend an encouraging hand to others.
The cycle of going forth each day and daring to make it better than the previous, can consume me. I begin to think about all that I have yet to accomplish and the weight of my personal standards can be a bit overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder if God looks down upon me and shake his head at my adamant attempts of breaking my own will.
I have been attempting to write a book or two, begin to assemble a production team for my company, save money so that I can invest in my dreams and make more money in the process. And while it seems easy enough in theory, it has proven to pull out some insecurities I thought were long gone.
Appreciation is a strange concept when it comes to baring your inner most thoughts and relaying them to others. It was one thing when I was younger, singing in the choir or playing a character on stage; then everyone is willing to come and watch you or support your efforts. Getting older, appreciation seems to take a whole new action.
Maybe because in my mind, I see it as a matched excitement, while it comes as a “oh that’s nice” or a “half interested question quickly followed by a lack of interest.”
My stress comes from me believing I have to gain the approval of those around me, wanting them to desperately be fully engaged in what I have going on. Wanting them to support me by spreading the word of my blog or my ideas, my attributes, my gains….at 29, I am still forgetting that my will is my own and that it is rare to have those believe in what I am called to do, simply because they cannot see, dream or feel the things I am privy to.
And is that not the true blessing? That this was given to me, to grow and nurture. These dreams I have do not go to anyone else but me. Sure there are others who aspire to accomplish the same things I do, but what has been given to me to create, is completely my own.
In this moment, I am realizing I have a complex. And as much as I would like to shake it off, it is not working. I am going to dig a little deeper to pull through the muck of mental frustration and restless energy.
What can I do with restless energy, besides sabotage my creative energy. Therefore I have looked into the option of yoga. Being able to center my focus and push through the volcanic pressure to channel my purpose solely to those things, I asked God to grant me.
Those things I would sit inside my dark closet and pour my heart and soul out to him. The stillness I felt after I would lift my face from the floor, tear-stained, face hot….I would sit and await the vibration that would sweep slowly and steadily through my body, setting me into a zone of total peace. I would listen for his voice. I would listen for my heart to connect to the energy and show me the way or reassure me that I was on the way.
I don’t know what others want. I only know what I need. And being that God says he will supply my every need, I know I will inadvertently give what needs to be given to others.
Self inflicted stress is a real issue. It haunts those who spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing. I realize that now. I see that by not attempting to write everyday, I force myself to worry about am I really a writer and should I just stick to the day-to-day grind of doing what needs to be done to survive, instead of doing what I love and being a survivor of the day-to-day to become a conqueror.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be in the same situation next year, wondering what would have been if I had started this year.
The book will be completed.
The production will begin.
I am tired of my self-inflicted stress.
I am ready to win.
Drop me comment about some things you have self reflected upon and what are the steps you are taking to rectify your present mind set. I would love to hear from each of you. And if you have any good books or articles, share those as well. Peace and Blessings
image courtesy of tasteoflifebysabi.wordpress.com