women

Flyy Girl Friday: Khalilah “KG” Gordon

Today marks the very first Flyy Girl Friday feature and I could not be more excited to introduce each of you to HeyGirlHey’s debut Flyy Girl.

Khalilah “KG” Gordon

KG is the Founder and Executive Director for The Freedom Now Academy for Girls.

She is a motivational speaker, educator and Toastmaster whose passion is speaking life into others while educating and inspiring the youth.

Ms. Gordon’s Flyy Girl Friday feature is courtesy of Mr. Julian Smart, a fellow Toastmaster and youth educator.

Khalilah "KG" Gordon Founder & Executive Director; The Freedom Now Academy for Girls

Khalilah “KG” Gordon
Founder & Executive Director; The Freedom Now Academy for Girls

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Make sure you get in your nomination for your Flyy Girl-worthy lady, friend, mom, daughter, sister, Aunt, co-worker…whomever! Let’s show all the women in our lives love for doing only what they can do!

Peace and Blessings

Imitation of A Relationship

Let me first start by saying, by no means am I an expert on relationships, nor how the human mind works. I am however an observer and ex offender of the behavior being discussed.

Women: there is so much to be said for our desires to be a part of a committed union. I truly believe it is a fundamental piece of our existence, to connect, build and grow. We enjoy the sense of security that comes with being in a real relationship, all the trimmings of commitment. So why are so many of us settling for scraps?

I am witnessing woman across various age brackets, allowing men to have “my man” privileges, without the mutual commitment of a real relationship. I’m not against having a friend or friends, but at what point do you stop lying to yourself about what you want? When do you begin to look outside of potential, and face what it is?

Let me lead by example. About six years ago, I was in a situationship. I befriended a gentleman and we spent a great deal of our time together. We spoke on the phone every single day, beginning at six in the morning. We went to comedy clubs, birthday parties, family gatherings (only my family) and hung out with friends (some mutual otherwise, my friends only). Months went by and we never established what we were to one another, although the phrase “I love you” was spoken freely and often. Yet, when I finally got the nerve to ask for what I wanted, it wasn’t what he wanted. And I allowed myself to continue the situationship, simply  because I had high hopes that he would change his mind, Hoping he would realize how good our chemistry was together and how good of a woman I was for him.

But the more I continued to allow the situation to carry on, the more pain I put myself in. I had no right to expectations. I had no right to relationship benefits, although I was experiencing a relationship. Being too afraid to rock the boat of comfort and convenience, I went along with it, until one day I had enough. I told him, if a friendship was all he wanted, then I had to reevaluate my stance with him. A lot of things ended; me cooking for him, letting him use my car, picking him up from work, inviting him to family outings, double dates, the 20+ phone calls and texts all stopped. Once I took my power back, he was no longer interested in coming around.

What I am saying is this: why are we subjecting ourselves to situationships and expecting relationship benefits? Are we that desperate for a man that we are wiling to forfeit our desires, simply to keep someone in our lives?

While we would like to think not, the answer is yes. Yes, I am willing to subject myself to pain and disappointment in order to get a man and keep him. I willing to forfeit wanting to be the affection of a man who wants me, for one who looks good. I am willing to front to be pacified.

My Queens, I want each of you to experience a relationship, a real relationship, that causes you to be nurtured and loved. A relationship where you are wanted, needed and belong. I no longer want you seeking potential in a place of uncertainty. If you have been involved with a man for over six months and there is still no commitment, why are you still putting eggs in that basket? Why is two months long enough to have sex, but not long enough to commit?

 

What are we really saying when we make these types of choices? If you know what you want, why are you rearranging your checklist to fit someone else’s agenda? If you want to be a wife, say so! If you want a family, say so! If you want to be a King’s Queen, say so!

Don’t continue to participate in situationships expecting relationship benefits. It is not for you boo. He does not owe you the commitment of consideration, and why should he? You never asked for it, and if you did, you allowed him to steer you away from your desires.

 

This article is not to bash anyone, but to help someone, see their worth and fight for what they desire. When you settle for less than what you deserve, it will convict you. Everything you do to make it what it is not, will fail. It takes two honey. At the end of the day, if he is not giving you a commitment, reevaluate and move on.

Allow yourself to be happy by spending time with eligible bachelors (leave folks boyfriends/husbands alone) who share your desires. Spend time with people who court you for relationship reasons, not sex reasons. Because if all you are looking for is the physical, fine. But, don’t start talking that “where are we going talk” a month or so after ya’ll have been having sex.

Recognize the connection. Call it what it is. Take off the blinders, put away the fantasies. Be a big girl and say what you want. If he isn’t with the program, don’t put another thoughtful effort into it. Let it be.

You will get what you expect, you just have to put it out there. Live it. Think it. Be it. Your authentic one will come.

Just A Friend

When you are a child, it’s a no brainer who your friends are; they are the ones who play with you everyday on the playground at school, or around the neighborhood at home. But as we get older, the lines have a tendency to become misconstrued, fuzzy, vague….invisible. To make things clearer, I am speaking in terms of men and women being just friends, solely, strictly, friends.

Is that possible?

First off, is this relationship plutonic and by platonic, I mean no sexual verbal or physical interaction! So there has been no slip up with conversation, no creepin’ off at parties where the two of you end up alone, no prolonged hugging…no kissing. I bet there are a lot of you thinking hard…..lol keep it real, keep it 100!

And there was a time when hanging out with your boyfriend or girlfriend around your other friends was acceptable, now that we are older, it seems the rules have changed. I personally have come into contact with guys who prefer their girlfriend not to have male friends. Some of the reasons simply boiled down to the fact that the friend has  a penis, so he simply cannot be trusted.

What are some of us learning as children growing up, that some of us aren’t, regarding friendships with the opposite sex?

For instance, my boyfriend of 3 years is not cool with the me having male friends, even though I have known them before he and I became a couple. He has admitted that he himself, has never had a just friends relationship with women. I find that to be so unfortunate for him.

I have learned a lot about the psyche of men thru my male friends advice, plus I am the type of person to operate within boundaries, but if I am feeling a man, I am sure to let him know that I am definitely interested. And although I have been rejected or disappointed as I like to say it, I didn’t have any regrets about stating the tone of my intentions.

But I gather that life has to be pretty one-sided, if one never tries to develop a relationship with the opposite sex, outside of the sexual. Is there something wrong with a man and a woman wanting to befriend each other, even when they are in committed relationships?

Again, I have personally watched married men and women engage in some flirtatious activity with friends or co workers and thought to myself, if their spouse were here, would this behavior be appropriate in their eyes…but sometimes what looks like one thing, can really be another.

So is it that being friends and being in a relationship, brings about the wrong perception for some or that we super impose what we would do if it were us making a friend or continuing a friendship while in a relationship?

I am certainly looking forward to the feedback on this topic. It is something I am seriously interested in and love to discuss. Leave a comment with your thoughts on the subject!

Peace and Blessings